Network Administration or Maintaining the Fourth Reich

As I have stated, I have been in IT, mainly Network Engineering for over 20 years, and I have seen my share of Network Administrators.

They are a unique breed of individuals, often sitting at the console for hours on end. They are genetically selected for this purpose, due to their large badder capacity and slower metabolism. They don’t require large amounts of food and often lack skin pigmentation due to lack of sunlight exposure. It’s true, I read about it on Wikipedia.

Because of these reasons, they tend to be very controlling about their environment. Demanding that everything is done just a certain way. If a new guy creates a new group and omits anything, then the Network Administrator will quickly discover the discrepancy, actually stand up, leave his lair and promptly reprimand the new guy, ensuring he knows where his flaws were made and a full re-iteration of the proper procedures will ensue. When the dust clears, the new guy is left slumped in his cube, remnants of dried vomit on his shirt and near death, and fully reprogrammed. The Network Administrator dusts off his hands, returns to his console and continues his routines as if nothing had happened. Stopping briefly to clean his fingernails.

If the new guy commits multiple offenses, he is then ushered to an awaiting rail car with all of his belongings and sent to one of the camps in Poland or the unemployment office, whichever is closer.

Others, who have survived the multiple floggings of repetitive information, walk around like zombies, their soulless eyes look past you. Speaking to them is useless as they have purposefully punctured their own eardrums in a plight to not be subjected to these endless dronings. Some try to work from home, but this does not stop the reciprocal emails and text messages from “the one who monitors all.” Still others, who have not yet deafened themselves, try the iPod technique. This simply causes the Network Administrator to hover and perhaps even touch you in attempt to get your attention before you are beaten.

In all seriousness, I find the need for order and uniformity among common objects a must. It makes searching easier, you don’t have users with 8 different titles for the same job. Common objects all look and act the same. And it’s the Network Administrator that makes that happen.

Just don’t get your fingers too close to his mouth…


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